I find myself edgy at times, struggling to fit into my “Christian” world. I have always been sort of rebellious and haven’t done the “good Christian woman” thing so great. I often feel at odds with the culture of Christianity and it’s nobody’s fault. Now don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the Lord and LOVE spending time with Him. He is on my mind when I wake, live, breathe and when I sleep! I love the work He is doing in my life, even if I complain because of the lessons and pain I must endure to get to the growth! Yet, there are times when I am around other Christian women that I just don’t feel that I fit in.
Believe me, this is no insult to the other women. They seem to be all comfortable with each other and have a sense of community, I just feel like the oddball! For example, when I am at a Christian conference or retreat and everyone seems to be going alone with the program, I am restless! I find myself often needing to find quiet places to walk and talk to God. When someone is teaching or preaching, I can’t just sit and listen, but my mind is having a deep discussion with God over the concepts that are being taught. I am constantly questioning and checking with God and my heart, but as I look around, it appears that other’s are just listening and soaking it all it.
Another example is that when there is a “craft night” or “ladies tea,” the only reason I would want to come would be to chat and be silly with the other women. I have no interest in the tea or the crafts. I don’t do either one very well! When asked to decorate for a church function, because all ladies should be good a decorating, I am at a loss! I can follow instructions, but I can’t figure out what looks “pretty” all by myself!
So what is wrong with me? Am I just rebellious and need to fall in line with the others? Ha, I don’t think so! God has shown me over the years that He loves me JUST the way I am! He loves us all for the uniqueness that put into us! I/we are His master creation! He gave me my questioning mind, my spirit that is often restless for Him, and the ability to follow the decorator rather than trying to BE the decorator!
We have to remember that He adores us the way we are! There is nothing wrong with our wiring. He just needs to come in a tweak things and guide us, but essentially He wants us to follow HIS voice!
So today, as you are trying to figure out what kind of woman you are, how you fit into your world, and maybe you are feeling somewhat “less than…” remember: You are God’s masterpiece! Walk confidently to the beat of the drummer He put in your heart! It’s okay if you don’t quite fit in with the others. You are in good company: Abraham, Moses, Esther, John the Baptist, and yes, Jesus, the ultimate rebel!
Off to stir up some fun…