I once spent a week at a statewide Kids Camp; it was a crazy and busy week but it was a lot of fun. The speaker had a blind puppet who kept popping up in the middle of each skit and would call out, “Where am I, Wheeeere am I”? Then he would disappear.
Some months after my husband had left us, my pastor asked me this simple question, “Lois, what do you like to do; what are your interests?” It was a simple question on the surface, but I went home and pondered it for days. What did I like to do? Nothing at that point in my life; I was only surviving, not living. What were my interests? Taking care of my kids, nothing else! What had become of me? The fun and adventuresome person I had once been, the person who enjoyed people, travel, sports, life. When did that person disappear? Wheeeeere was I?
This is a good question for all of us to ponder from time to time. Who am I, what are my goals, and how do I want to get there?
As moms, it’s easy to lose who we are in the midst of tending to the needs of others.
Over the years I had allowed stress, pressure, sacrifice, responsibility, and ultimately abandonment strip me of who I had once been; I was lost. My pastor’s question sent me on a mission to find me again.
First I had to recognize I wasn’t invisible, a person without substance or value. God had specially created me. Psalm 139:13-14 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well”. I wasn’t a mistake or a ‘loser’; I was ‘wonderful’ and designed perfectly by God. It was time to start living life differently.
Then I realized and believed though I had made mistakes, it would never change God’s love for me. I could choose to walk away from Him, but He would NEVER walk away from me! Wow! Romans 8:37-39, “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life …. neither the present nor the future. … nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. I was loved!
These scriptures helped me find myself again. They spoke of a love I had forgotten existed; unconditional love. I knew if I never changed one thing about myself, God loved me just as I was. There was something about knowing I didn’t have to change to be loved, that gave me the desire and strength to want to change. The pressure was off, but the desire was on. Knowing I had been perfectly designed by God helped me answer the question my pastor had posed. Who was I?
I was someone who loved travel and adventure, so I began to take my kids to new places. Places that were in our city and free, but adventures all the same. We found unusual and historical sites, museums and scenic views; places we still talk about 20 years later.
I was a person who loved sports. I began to find deals on tickets to baseball games since they were the least expensive. I found free parking, discovered we could bring food into the park, and happily cheered on our teams. One year I saved enough to purchase tickets to see the Globetrotters when they came to town, what a big deal that was (maybe more for me than my kids).
I had always wanted to go to college, but never felt qualified. I began to take a correspondence course. Even though I lacked confidence in my abilities, I was daring enough to try. I actually enjoyed the study, passed the tests, and continued with my studies.
A simple question let to great discovery.