Sometimes When I Wake Up I am Still Mad
Posted Thu, 05/03/2012 - 12:00am by Mari Tollefson-Boyd
I have never been one of those people who have been able to pull off that Biblical principal of “don’t let the sun go down on your wrath.” Sometimes I have trouble letting go of my anger. I admit to you today that at times I am severely lacking in this area and for some reason I think that is okay. You see God is working on this area of my life, constantly. He is teaching me about “forgiveness” and allowing people into my life to help me work on that concept! Always surrounded by different people and different situations, we are provided an abundance of opportunities for growth in this area, aren’t we? So why is forgiveness so difficult then?
Well, I don’t know about you, but I have trouble just “letting go” at times. When someone has wronged me or someone I love, I find myself just ruminating…going over and over it again in my brain. I can’t seem to release the thought…release the anger and begin to imagine what “forgiveness” would even look like! Plus, I am sorry to admit, in my humanness I want the person who has done the wrong to hurt also.
What I have learned is that often forgiveness is WAY above my human ability. Also, it is about a journey, not just a single, simple act. Forgiveness doesn’t always mean reconciliation with the person who has wounded us, because reconciliation with a toxic person is not what God would want for us. Forgiveness is more about me than the person who wounded me. I begin to gain my freedom when I walk the road of forgiveness and they no longer have control of my heart, thoughts and emotions.
I also know deep in my heart that God totally understands my struggle with forgiveness. He really GETS that part of me and wants to work with me. That to me is the greatest lesson I am learning through this struggle. Often my prayer is NOT “Lord, I forgive this person”…BUT “Lord, HELP me to learn how to forgive this person because in my heart I don’t have a clue how to do that.” And you know what? I know He honors that and has been so faithful to me!
Forgiveness is tough…often excruciating but through the process with the Lord’s divine help, our heart will stay soft! Trust the Lord to know the hurt that has been done to you or your loved one. Trust the Lord to hold and heal your brokenness and free you. It’s not easy. It’s not quick…but God is faithful!
I continue my journey on the road to forgiveness!