I’ve had an interesting week, and that’s an understatement. It’s been an exhausting, frightening, painful, surprising week! I went in for laparoscopic surgery to remove my gallbladder. It was to be a simple 45 minute in-and-out surgery, and it was. But once under anesthesia, my body struggled to wake back up. Once awake, my body continued to struggle with digesting the effects from the anesthesia, and I was retching into the night. This side effect is not unusual, but it’s not common either. So what was to be a quick fix became an overnight stay in the hospital.
I had been really relaxed about having the surgery up until the night before. Honestly, I was avoiding thinking about it. And then it hit me… fear. The thought that I could be that one-in-a-million, by some fluke dying on an operating table, was too high of a percentage for me. I distracted myself by playing cards, then searching Pinterest, and then I couldn’t take it any longer, and I shared my fears with my husband. He assured me that all would be fine. I went to bed, but I still couldn’t shake my fear. I reminded myself of a quote I saw on Pinterest by Corrie Ten Boom that says, “Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles; It empties today of its strength.” If knew that if I didn’t get some sleep I would be exhausted the next day!
I wasn’t afraid of dying. (Who am I kidding!) Yes, I was! I realize I’m talking about a simple gallbladder surgery, but this was the first time I’d been put under and it was a bit frightening to me. Not to mention I’m a control freak, and I really don’t like the idea of losing consciousness while someone is working on me like a mechanic works on a car!
I couldn’t stop thinking about the what ifs, so I got up and wrote each of my children and my husband a one page letter to leave to them in case some unforeseen complication should happened. I found peace in this action, and once I wrote the letters, I was finally able to sleep.
The letters weren’t lengthy. Honestly, I didn’t have any regrets to pass on, or dreams that they didn’t already know. I just wanted to write them each a personal note saying, “I love you so much” and to highlight a few specific qualities that I think make them exceptional. I reminded them of God’s faithfulness and their ability to talk to him through everything.
When I was done I laid the letters on my dresser where I figured no one would notice unless something unforeseen should happened. But my surgery had not gone as planned, and my sweet husband found my letters the next day while searching for clothes I could wear home from the hospital. (He gave me the best hug the next time he saw me.)
I figured if some horrible turn of events happened, I’d be remembered as wise, and each of my family would have a letter to treasure. Now they just have a sweet letter. It’s the better ending.
Are there words you need to say to someone? Why wait? Say today what is in your heart. No one knows what tomorrow may hold.
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