- Know that just because I married a pastor does not mean I enjoy singing, playing the piano, running the nursery, or leading the women’s program. I am willing to use my talents, but please don’t expect me to fulfill a role that I am not designed for.
- My husband, my children, and I are not perfect. I face challenges and temptations. I fight with my husband, get frustrated with my children, and find it difficult to like some people. I am not super-human. I have feelings and insecurities. I make mistakes and can be selfish. BUT I care. I want to be approachable to you. I cannot live up to perfection or balance on a pedestal.
- Don’t bad-mouth other people to me. If you gossip and talk negatively about others to me, it places me in an awkward situation and it can be difficult for me to remain neutral. It is especially harmful if you criticize my husband and children.
- When I am at church, I cannot talk to every single person in attendance. Please do not take it personal if I was unable to greet you or have a meaningful conversation with you. If you feel we haven’t connected in a while, please initiate a conversation.
- If a decision needs to be made that falls under my husband’s jurisdiction, please don’t approach me about it. I cannot make his decisions. Also, it is unfair to ask me to use my influence as his wife to influence his decision in a church matter.
- If you have a problem with someone else, I recommend you go talk to that person. I cannot fix a problem you have with someone else. I will help if possible, but I don’t want to get involved if you haven’t even tried to talk to the person.
- Just because you have my cell number, my husband’s cell number or know where we live, it does not mean we always must be available. We need time to relax. We need time as a family.
- Please don’t make me a pauper. I obviously didn’t go into ministry for the money, but I want to be able to afford clothes for my kids, food for my table, and to have a house that isn’t falling apart. Many pastors’ wives work outside the church not out of desire but out of necessity because the church isn’t paying the pastor enough for his family to survive on.
- If I do work outside the church, please don’t expect me to be involved full-time in everything at church. If I have another job, I cannot attend every church function or lead several departments.
- I need to be affirmed and encouraged just like anyone else. I feel encouraged when I receive a message (card, text, e-mail, etc.) that you are praying for me, like me or appreciate me. Discover how I feel loved and appreciated and act upon it.
- Many times a pastor and his wife live far from their biological families. Although you can’t replace my family, you can substitute in some areas. Offer to help by babysitting my kids for free. Help with lawn care, household or car maintenance. Invite our family over for dinner. Celebrate our family’s birthdays. Include our family in holiday celebrations.
- Be willing to serve at church. Sadly, at most churches a small percentage of people do the majority of the work. Think of what you like to do and what your time and commitment levels are. Offer your talents. If you don’t feel like you have specific talents, remember that the bathrooms still need to be cleaned and floors need to be vacuumed. Being a servant involves doing what needs to be done whether it is a glamorous task or not.
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