Girls, girls, girls! Remember that song” Bad Boys…bad boys…watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do when they come for you?” No it’s not sexy. It’s the theme from the show COPS! Does that tell us something? Bad boys usually stay bad. It’s not up to us to save them. Where in the bible does it tell us we’re supposed to do Jesus’ job. I know this lesson all too well. I’ve had the “Kerri Poppins Savior Complex” for years.
You remember the movie Mary Poppins and her tag line? “Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down?” She came in and with a snap of her umbrella brought joy and laughter to an entire family that was down in the dumps. The dad was a “bad boy” of sorts and she made even Mr. Grouchy banker sing a happy song. Since I was a little girl I’ve taken on the “Kerri Poppins” persona that each manic depressive, rebel without a clue, chain smoking guy just needs a little “sugar from Kerri” and we’ll be singing in no time. I know you sense the theme here. I watch too many movies. But think about it. Hollywood and society constantly glorifies the “good girl tames bad boy” storylines. They just don’t tell you most couples the media loves to cover end in divorce. I mean who wouldn’t want some version of Johnny Depp tattooing your name on his arm? Or being the woman who tamed the “wild man?” I wouldn’t’ want that now, but a few years ago I would have told you it was sexy. I wanted the challenge.
We women can’t resist a challenge. Even when I was first starting to have feelings for Ron my husband he said “I just don’t want a girlfriend right now. I’m too busy with my career.” Well inside my head the light is going “ding, ding, ding…let the games begin!” It’s like we’re in some poker match and we want to win the “man who doesn’t want to be tamed” as our trophy. They should call it “Trophy Boyfriend” instead of “Trophy wife.” Admit it ladies, we can play the same games the guys do and in my opinion we’re much craftier. But it’s not what God wants us to do. Do you really think He’s up there in Heaven treating us like we’re on some reality show and each guy we date is some part of a “treasure hunt?” As we progress each obstacle/man gets harder to handle until we finally win the treasure and get to plan a wedding? No way! But in theory that’s what we’re saying to God when we totally disregard the Holy Spirit’s warnings that it’s not a good idea for us to get involved with yet another “bad boy.” These types of guys will most likely hurt us in the end. Now I bet you want me to define “bad boy” and I’ll give it my best shot.
This guy doesn’t want a girlfriend ie: commitment. But you don’t listen to him. You think you’re just charming and wonderful and you will absolutely change his mind. Once he sees how magical spending time with you is he’ll come around and be a committed, faithful boyfriend and husband to be in no time. Let me tell you something about these types of guys; they don’t want a girlfriend for a reason. They want to see several women and keep their options open. If you force them into a commitment with guilt and manipulation, they are very likely to cheat on you. Take your chances.
The guy has destructive habits you can’t stand.
a. He chain-smokes
b. He does drugs of any kind
c. He drinks too much and thinks “party” is a verb.
Let me address this type of guy. I dated him. He wore leather jackets and had long hair. He was quiet and brooding and literally told me “I was his angel!” I just didn’t know he’d end up being my “devil.” Ok maybe it didn’t go that far. But we were together for a long time and he kept promising me he was going to stop smoking, stop drinking and doing all the other things I kept begging him to cut out. He gave it an honest effort. But you know what happened? He just ended up resenting me for trying to change him and he continued to smoke and “party” behind my back. It got really messy and I cried more than a Lifetime movie. I stayed with him because his personality was enticing. He was dramatic and when I threatened to leave he’d cry and write me a poem about how I was his only hope.
We were literally in a bad cycle and neither of us saw it. I just wanted to be important to someone and this guy made me literally feel like his “life –line.” Can you see how unhealthy that is? That’s not biblical in any way, shape or form. But a lot of you reading this book are in relationships exactly like this one right now. And you don’t have the strength to leave because you’re pulled in too tight. Maybe your boyfriend has gone way over the edge and threatened to hurt himself if you leave. This is not ok behavior and if this is happening I strongly suggest you seek some wise counsel immediately. There is always help if you’re willing to seek it. These men who indulge in this type of behavior are not walking in God’s will for their lives and it could potentially put you in a dangerous situation.
3. He doesn’t respect authority and has no accountability in his life.
One time I was dating a guy who we’ll call Max. I was starting to get involved with my church life more and met a wonderful lady named Maritza. She was a mentor and counselor to me in many ways. I was so excited to meet a Godly woman I could come to with prayer and advice. When I told Max about her at church and wanted to introduce him to her he literally left the church sanctuary. He wouldn’t even meet her. I was totally embarrassed and had to make up some lame excuse for his abrupt departure.
If you’re dating a guy who doesn’t want you talking about your relationship to someone for Godly counsel, this is not a Godly man. You should not be dating him. End of story.
You need to be involved with someone who is seeking God’s wisdom in all areas of his life. Whether it’s a men’s bible study or him meeting one on one with an older mentor, this is essential. You need to be dating a man who is on the same path with his faith as you are. Since this is a book for Christians, I’m assuming you’re trying to seek God’s will for your dating life. If your boyfriend doesn’t want you talking about the relationship, then why does he have to hide? I’m not saying you are broadcasting all of your intimate late night talks and details. But you both need accountability in your dating because it’s a hard thing to keep on the straight and narrow, especially in the purity department.
These above are a few of the examples of “bad boy” types and there are too numerous to name. I just ask you to really seek God’s will before getting involved with some guy because it seemed like a fun thing to do at the time. God is able to change hearts and win souls. Sometimes it’s best to let God do His job all by Himself.